Censoring the selfie

So i woke today looking like the daughter of the elephant man. One eye was reduced to a watery slit encased in a swollen, angry eye socket. So instead of flying to Townsville today, spending the evening at a lovely hotel, going out for dinner with colleagues tonight, I’ve stayed at home all day, except for am emergency dash to my doctor and a pharmacy. Incognito.


We wake early in these parts so I had plenty of time to take numerous selfies of my disgusting eyeball plus do some self diagnosis. My local GP clinic opens at 8am so I had plenty of time to imagine the worst, look at myself alot and of course utilise the ‘real life’ medical skills I  learnt on House to come up with a cracking diagnosis.  We all know how much our doctors love us when we come in with a mystery illness but have a plethora of possibilities. No Lydia, you were not bitten by a tzetze fly!

I work at a Uni, I know about evidence based practice, health search engines etc.but oh no, in times of personal health crises, there is only Google.  So After searching various words like watery, swollen and eye sockets I spent about half an hour dry wretching and totally grossing myself out looking at images.  Yep, you guessed it, top of the self diagnosis list was ‘pink eye’.  Thanks South Park for bringing this word into my vernacular.  The other fun one was the ‘stye’. There is a medical name for this, but I’ve already forgotten it.  Wasn’t relevant to me, no need to store that in my limited memory bank.

I was pretty sure it was an allergic reaction, it happened really quickly, like about 10 seconds after taking my contacts out before bed.  Dur you say,a good non-doctor always considers all possibilities dear Watson.  But what did I react to?  Naturally I have discussed this topic ad nauseaum with every person I have encountered today.  2 people said shellfish – omg we had prawns for dinner last last and I stabbed myself badly in the finger whilst peeling those spiky buggers.  But we eat prawns like all the time!  I caught 2 moths last night (as an aside, have you noticed that moths only nibble on the nicest fabrics?), I do the catch and release method with a quick dash outside, no kissing and one of them was particularly crumbly.  He left alot of moth dust on my fingers. Have you ever heard of a moth reaction?  No jokes please about the butterfly effect, all over that one.  Other than that, the night was normal.  The wine I had had the night before, a strong cuppa and a piece of kitkat before bed, nothing out of the ordinary.

So back to the title, should I share my disgusting selfies?  I always take photos of myself at my worst, I just never publish them. I always show them to the Gorgeous M, he has a razor sharp sense of humour and is merciless – laughing in the face of imminent death is always a good potion. I usually send them to my glamorous sister (accompanied by a death threat if ever she thinks about sharing it) and friends at work, but I just haven’t had the guts to put them on this glorious blog (as read by about 10 peoples).  Last year I cracked a front crown (front tooth) and the day the dentist drilled off the old crown and revealed the little stump of remaining tooth I made him stop so I could get a few selfies.I even brought props with me to the dental clinic.  He thought I was nuts and kindly hoped that I would never need to return.  I revenged him but, I have a new nicer dentist thank you very much, ha I say!  Don’t ever cross me, I will run and hide from you.

So dear readers, do you self diagnose, are you a hypochondriac and what do you think I may have reacted to?


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kate Rogers
    Apr 03, 2013 @ 21:44:51

    Lydia it sounds to me like it was the prawns. Or rather the sulphites (naturally occurring in the prawns) or the sulphites used to preserve them. In fact it may not be even be an allergic reaction, rather a severe food intolerance that is dose-related. By stabbing yourself you may have ingested more of the chemical than usual. Canada recognises sulphites as allergens but not us I believe. Anyway hope you’re better soon. Sorry you missed your trip to Tsv. Love your blogs.


  2. Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    Apr 04, 2013 @ 17:06:06

    Yes I think share the selfie and diagnosis when it is solved. I hope it gets better. I had a red eye for a few days and I couldn’t figure out what it was until someone suggested that it was lack of sleep. Funnily enough that worked!


  3. Kim@fallingfacefirst
    Apr 16, 2013 @ 16:27:29

    Yes indeedy – i’m voting for the prawns too. Even people I know who are very tolerant can reach a limit where they react facially (hives, rash, swelling) once a certain amount is ingested. And you don’t know the region or the sprays/sulphites that might have been involved. Hope it cleared quickly!


  4. Lisa @ Greek Vegetarian
    Jul 24, 2013 @ 22:21:00

    Hi Lydia. Thank you for one of the funniest posts I’ve read in a long time. I hate moths but the crumbly one just cracked me up. Just found you, via a comment you left on my blog. I’m going to have to go through all your posts now. Love your writing style. I had pink eye once. The doctor asked me if I’d been exposed to a dust plume of concrete mix that day. Funnily enough I’d walked past a construction site that morning, straight through a cloud of white powder that was bellowing from the site. Apparently the lime or something in the concrete can mess with your eyes – who would have thought? I understand your obsession with taking disgusting selfies. I take ugly pics of myself too – have my own version of elephant man’s daughter after I had my wisdom teeth taken out.


    • lydiamissmoffat
      Jul 25, 2013 @ 11:33:55

      You’ve got a great doctor – how random was that about the dust plume! I’m in love with your family home in greece – maybe one day you can manage it as a b&b? Your father is amazing – the shed he re-built is incredible. Thank you for visiting.


  5. Rocky Mountain Woman
    Sep 04, 2013 @ 01:33:20

    Google has taken the place of a quick phone call to the doctor for me. Not good, I know, but I do it all the time! I think it’s pink eye. A friend of mine recently had it, no fun at all…

    Thanks for stopping by and for commenting!


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