Stepping out of the comfort zone

This post is in honour of St Valentines day and it may get a little racy, so if you are likely to take offence, please log off now.  Its all being written in good humour, so hopefully you may have a giggle.

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I’ve been reading a few blogs around the topic of love this week and thankfully, there are many happy, joyful married women in the blogosphere.  But nary a mention of passion have I heard.  In fact, many women have written about the less than passionate married lives they lead, but they are nevertheless happy and thankful.  And this feeling I totally understand. Laundry, dishes, demanding kids, work stress, finances, more dishes, more meals to cook, shopping blah blah blah blah – who’s feeling sexy now – yup not me!

But, I’d like to challenge this idea. Do you enjoy a bodice ripping period drama?  Does Colin Firth as Mr Darcy get you all steamy?  Have you watched the BBC six episode Pride and Prejudice more than once and want to watch it again? Yes I hear- then ladies, I think your erogenous zones are strongly aroused by your grey matter and I’d like to share some ideas with you.  I have a lovely girlfriend who is categorically and undeniably a raunch bag.  And she’s proud of it.  So when I was recovering from my ‘raunch-less’ marriage and met the Gorgeous M, she gave me ideas aplenty.  Some I have tried, some are in the bag for another day, but we are 3 years in (and I realise this still represents early days) and I’m thrilled to say that the man still floats my boat big-time.  But the endorphin crazy, madly in lust stage is over and keeping the embers burning now requires a bit more effort.  But, the effort is worth it, its fun and helps to keep us really close.

Many of these suggestions require considerable planning, especially if you have children in the house.  They need to be worn out, fed and put to bed early.  And you need to choose a day/time when you’re not exhausted.  Okay so now its getting tricky!  And, you need to enter into this with a sense of adventure so you need to be brave and be prepared to feel a little silly.

I think that for women, mental titillation is perhaps the best foreplay.  So planning something fun/crazy/special becomes part of the foreplay, planning the outfit, getting your special man interested, all these elements become part of the fun.  And the  anticipation!  And alcohol to settle the nerves.  Having a willing man is also a big part of the plan and personally, I fully recommend the sending of a titillating text.  Let him know in advance that you have something special planned, be a little suggestive, a little mysterious.

Okay okay, I hear you, enough with the blathering, lets get on with it shall we.  So here are some ideas to rekindle the passion between you and your man.

Today I visited a shop called Honey Birdette (research dear reader, research).  There are a few in Brisbane and they are classy, saucy and relatively discreet.  Today was their version of christmas eve, the day before valentines day being their best day of the year.  And whilst I was perusing, the main customers were dudes buying presents for their ladies.  Lingerie and sex toys were sheepishly requested and the sexy sales team were happy to help.  Sexy lingerie is a no brainer but can be a bit awkward.  If you’re a bit shy, get the kids down, disappear to your boudoir and take your time getting ready.  But let you man know what you’re doing.  Leave him with a kiss and a drink ( a nip of vodka is fun) (have a nip yourself) and go get yourself ready.

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If thats not your thing, there are games you can buy.  There is a game that has been voted best adult game called Monogamy.  Its based on communication, takes a long time (the box says 90min) but finishes with the winner getting to choose their desired happy ending.  The sexy shop girl said that you need champagne and strawberries to play it.  There was another game at Honey Birdette based on fantasy (a bit more challenging) and one that was outright, no mucking about, straight to the action game.  I may have bought monogamy and I may review it another day 😉

So how about some dress ups and role playing.  I will warn you, this takes guts and you may both laugh so hard that you wet your pants.  And not in the good way.  But you should have lots of fun, especially if your man takes his role seriously. You can buy sexy outfits online discreetly or from shops.  I’ve seen quite a range at a large bra shop (I think it was Bra’s n things) (explains what the things may mean) and they looked fun.

This idea sounds awesome to me but I haven’t found the right place (or time).  I think its from a movie.  Ask you man to meet you at a bar and to take a seat at the bar.  Come in a bit late but don’t sit with him and pretend you don’t know him.  Send him a drink via a waiter.  Tell the waiter you’d like the man to join you. Flirt outrageously with him.  Either wear something clingy, or no knickers or just wear a trench coat.  You know what I  mean!  You may find the whole bar watching you and its up to you to take it as far as you wish.  If you’re feeling really wild, sex in the car park is an option.

Okay, thats enough for one Valentines day, please let me know any great ideas you may have.  Or let me know how your valentines day/night went.